April 22, 2020

if -- memories from the time of B&W TVs rekindled by an instagram chat, and penned down thanks to a writing prompt

The word 'if' always reminds me of Rudyard Kipling's poem by the same name. My favourite lines are these: 'If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same'. I don't recall when I read the poem fully for the first time, but I vividly remember when I heard these lines.

I was 8-years old and watching the Wimbledon Tennis Championships men's final with my dad. A young blond kid whose eyebrows were barely visible walked out onto Centre Court along with a visibly older player -- Boris Becker and Kevin Curran. As they stepped out, the commentator read out these same lines which are inscribed at the locker room exit onto Centre Court, quite sure that the younger of the two would learn a lot that day. The rest, as they say, is history. Becker was the youngest champion and the first German to win the title. He was also super cute, and I became a fan.

Cut to the present.

I've been a Federer fan since I watched him play a few feet away from me, long before he became famous. I've laughed, marvelled, had my jaws drop, jumped up and down, held my heads in my hand, chewed up my nails, cried my heart out and screamed myself hoarse. Poetry. Poetry in motion, every single time.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to an Instagram chat between Nadal and Federer -- eight minutes long, filled with affection, admiration and deep respect for one another. For those of you who may not follow tennis, it's rare to find someone who is a fan of both players. It's almost impossible. Many reasons contribute to this including their styles of play, personalities, dressing sense, etc. but the most important reason is that each has handed the other some of their most heartbreaking losses. The line between triumph and disaster has indeed been very thin.

But if Roger and Rafa can treat those two impostors just the same, what will it take for us, their fans? 

April 8, 2020

When this is over, I’m ... (lockdown verse)

When this is over, I’m going to write a poem
One that captures the rhythm and rhyme
Of these three weeks I was locked up at home
Absolutely losing all sense of time.

Day 0 was when the announcement was made
And we were given four hours
To ‘prep’ to be indoors for 21 days
The command given by the man in power.

Day 1 was surreal, not much else to say
It felt like a good break maybe in some way.
Day 2 we took stock of grains, pulses and snacks
Biscuits and Maggi added to the list, many a pack.

Day 3 is when the seriousness hit
The consequences, we started to realise, bit by bit.
Day 4 was special, cos veggies I scored
Tomatoes, beans, bottle and even bitter gourd.

Day 5 was friends, family and Zoom
It was nice to see everyone from the comfort of my room.
Day 6, a Corona bingo I made
Before the commonalities I was seeing began to fade.

Day 7 I felt the start of some routine
Home stuff and work from home were more familiar scenes.
Day 8 I wrote a poem about that
In case I needed a reminder about how to keep things on track.

Day 9 I made the first of many lists
Of things learned, not missed, and missed.
Day 10 began with WhatsApp fights
Over the announcement about Sunday’s lights.

Day 11 I listed the things I hadn’t used
To see shoes and shades there left me amused.
Day 12 turned out to be a Sunday
Funday, it wasn’t, just more mundane.

Days 13 and 14 were crazy at work
See how that’s the first time I mentioned work. ‘Smirk’.
Today is Day 15 and I may read this out in class
If at all I’m graded, I hope I’ll at least pass.

I hope to continue this for the remaining time
If more than 21 days, it may be harder to rhyme.
Even though it’s nothing particularly deep
This experience, I want to keep.

21 days will never sound the same again
Let's hope it's 21, and the lockdown will end.

March 27, 2020

A fake post to break my blog's pause

This post really irritated me last night, so I started to write something about it. This morning, I saw that it's no longer available at the link I've shared because it was fake. It had Bill Gates spewing gyaan, his thoughts during the time of Corona.

Fair warning, this is a response to a fake post. But my post is all real :-)

It is reminding us that the power of freewill is in our hands. We can choose to cooperate and help each other, to share, to give, to help and to support each other or we can choose to be selfish, to hoard, to look after only our self. 

For Bill Gates to say this, after having created the Microsoft platform which is as uncooperative as systems go, and which has hoarded in its lifetime by obstructing others, is ludicrous. It shows a lack of questioning of his own actions, and how they may have contributed to the world turning out this way. He may donate tonnes now, but charity doesn't absolve. It only mitigates and placates the self.

But is it better late than never? No, better late than never has brought us to today. Look at Bezos and Amazon. What a joke. The company doesn't pay taxes, it's giving employees unpaid time off during this crisis. We have to curtail our greed, at least now.

What about family, commitments and responsibilities -- and work, making your company great, making your life greater? How do you choose? Is it even possible to be in a somewhat equal life relationship that isn't dominated by questions of money, and who's bringing in what to the table? For that, we need to think differently. However, to be able to do that, we need to be raised to think differently. How many of us will question the biggies like Gates, Bezos, Ambanis, etc. who have contributed greatly to making our current world? We may all have our parts to play, but as far as this is concerned, you and I barely even feature.

We need to be able to think differently about invention, society and money. Copyright and closed source codes have brought this upon us. And it's further fuelled by greed for power and money -- in that order. The world sees Gates as a benefactor, which he may be for the amount he has donated, and the causes to which he's donated. But we also need to see people like him as the ones who have contributed heavily into creating this disproportionate world.

Existing inequalities and inequities must be questioned at times like this. Sadly, the middle class and lower middle class are aspirational in nature, and this is what makes that questioning difficult. We are not conditioned to question as that has meant punishment of some kind -- hauled up at school, not promoted at work, being labeled something or the other by your family and friends, etc. So you play to the system and you're rewarded, even if it's scraps. That's all of us, middle and upper middle class who control a minute portion of the wealth. The upper and elite classes have no reason to question because life works for them. Status quo absolutely works for them.

While this is a moment to pause, I don't think we will. Because the feds will bail out businesses and banks. But not the poor. That's always been the case, and it continues to this day -- in the US and India, look at the financial relief packages being thrown at those who already have SO much, while those who are in need get a pittance. Those deeply impacted make poor wages, have no security nets, and we are unwilling -- as a society -- to address this or even see it.

Losing jobs is a problem, for sure. But our worry is our possible inability at making our EMIs for the 3 different houses we own, the 2 cars, a piece of land somewhere. It is not for our day to day survival needs, which is the case for the majority who are in real trouble at this point without jobs, wages, food. But we're apathetic because someone will do something. We just have to transfer money into bank accounts, to donate to organisations we think will do the job, or worse, to the PM's relief fund -- because we think charity is the answer. And it's in those time that the spotlight shines brightly on people like Bill Gates and others.

Charity helps, sure, but charity works on the premise that we can give once we have enough. Being unquestioning of that 'enough' is why we are where we are today. That vicious cycle has to break, but for that, it has to be questioned.

With this forced pause upon us, will we do it at least now? 

December 8, 2019

Ode to Oscy

It's been a week since Oscy passed on
And not a day has gone by
Without me thinking about something he'd done
Many a time, on the sly

Paper, plastic, rubber bands
Anything was he game for
Slinking away, silently chewing
Even a dirty diaper
He must've loved the letter C
For his favourites began with it
Cucumber, coconut, chapati and cheese
He gobbled up every bit

Whenever I went into the kitchen
Or opened the fridge door
He would instantly be there looking up at me
Or sniffing at the floor
Just in case I'd dropped something
He wasn't always particular
But if it were Parle G
He thought it was spectacular

I make it sound like he only ate
And didn't do much else
But no, he was a most active chap
Evinced by his tiny bell
Which rang every time he walked
Or sprinted around the house
True that he hadn't been wearing it for some time
But sneaked about like a mouse

Every morning when I came down
He'd be waiting there for me
To nip my ankles, ask for a treat
And stare expectantly
But what I loved even more
Was how he played when I tried to leash him up
Before I took him out for a walk
Ah, he ran around like a little pup

He wasn't wise or grumpy
But simply goofy and so sweet
He was little, yet large
With a presence that's hard to beat
Many parts of the house
Remind me of him
Especially his kitchen corner
With the light above so dim

I miss seeing him curled up
In the laundry pile
Or in his bed under the stairs
As if he'd walked a mile
From his little bowl
He drank so much water
And if that wasn't enough for him
He'd drink from a brass planter

From under the glass dining table
He always stared up
His melty eyes ensured
That our dues were paid up
With everyone at home
He had a special bond
We all miss him in our own ways
Many memories we'll hold, forever fond

It's Oscy's birthday today
A teenager he would've become
I'm sure he's celebrating somewhere
Our little rascal, and then some

January 27, 2019

The dilemma of an ageing fan

If Rafa wins today, he will inch to within 2 titles of Roger's record. Actually, make that one. (He may as well pick up the Musketeer's Cup right away).

If Djoker wins today, he will beat my idol Sampras' record. He will also gain more confidence and likely power through this year with at least one more Slam. And he has a few good years left on the circuit, so the chances of him beating Roger's record are quite high.

I like Rafa more than Djoker, but i don't particularly like either. But all said, I'd much rather Rafa beat Roger's record first than Djoker.

As an aside, can you go back to Nike, Roger? 

October 24, 2018

The Kids Are All Right: An Intergenerational Tale of Living and Loving YA Fiction

Published October 22, 2018 in Torchlight Magazine

Two libraries were a big part of my tween years. The first was tidy, organised, and strictly monitored. It was roomy and bright with short wooden bookshelves, many of which were kept locked due to the apparent inappropriateness of the books they held. I visited it once a week during Library period, and more often than not, got into trouble with the librarian at my convent school in Chennai for talking too loudly and having a good time. The second — Senthil Lending Library near my parent’s home — was quite different. A narrow dark room, it had tall open steel bookshelves flanked by many a swirling dust ball. The stacking of the books was chaotic at best, but the librarian knew his way around. He was a nice sort, never bothered by noise as long as the books were returned on or before the due date.
Despite the many spatial differences, the two libraries had one thing in common — the books in the young adults section.
Classics such as A Tale of Two CitiesThe Count of Monte CristoRebeccaLittle Women; detective stories of Sherlock Holmes, Miss Marple and Poirot; mostly abridged but some original Shakespeare; Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys including the somewhat grown-up Case Files versions; and a host of Enid Blyton including Famous Fives and the various school series; Indian and imported comics such as TintinAsterixPhantomChandamamaTinkleAmar Chitra Katha, and my favourite at the time — Archie comics; and some Indian authors like Ruskin Bond and Rudyard Kipling, filled their open and closed shelves. These books were considered mainstream, and my friends and I had access to them all. We read the Classics in the order that our school curriculum demanded, Shakespeare unhappily, the Case Files often, Enid Blyton sparingly, and a Ruskin Bond or a Kipling story whenever we had access to them. The comics, predictably, were the most read as was evinced by their tattered condition.
SOME OF THE BOOKS I READ GROWING UP.
While we tried to superimpose our own lives on to the larger themes in these books, it wasn’t easy. There was nothing day-to-day about them that would even serve as a conversation starter at home. ‘Can you pack me some tongue for my next picnic,’ I tried saying realising even then how silly it sounded. I didn’t even know what that was! And we always packed puliyogare and lime rice for family picnics, anyway. And the names—Julian, Frederick, Reginald, Georgina, Darrell, Big Moose (what’s a moose!)—felt as far away as the places they were located in. Chores and pocket money, hanging out at mom n’ pop shops drinking soda, going on dates, getting detention, having lockers—none of these themes were relatable, but I loved to read, and I read all that I found. Many of those books still have a place in my parent’s home. They haven’t been given away in case my almost teen daughter, Aditi, is interested in them.
 OUR BOOKSHELF. (PHOTO: REKHA RAGHUNATHAN)
Ha!
Our bookshelves couldn’t be more different — visually and otherwise. While I type this, I’m telling myself, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover,’ and yet, it’s an important element of the book selection process. All the colours in the rainbow and everything in between adorn her shelf —and those are just the spines! Add to that snappy titles, attractive fonts and beautifully designed covers — these factors have played huge parts in drawing out today’s young reader. But, let’s go back to the adage for a bit in the context of the ‘Young Adult’ genre, specifically, and how I began to re-engage with it.
 ADITI’S STOCK OF ATTRACTIVELY DESIGNED BOOKS(PHOTO: REKHA RAGHUNATHAN)
Aditi, who’s loved books ever since she could hold onto one, stumbled into this genre at the age of 10. She breezed through the Harry Potter series and continued to read a smattering of authors, but appeared disengaged. I often found her re-reading a few books that had caught her interest, but more often than not, she seemed to be searching for something new and interesting and not finding them. The JustBooks library nearby us seemed to me a more modern version of my old Senthil Lending Library. Sure, it was easier to search for titles, but there weren’t too many new publishers and authors they stocked in this category. I found Aditi gravitating towards comics out of sheer boredom. Not having been in touch with this genre for a long time, I thought it best to ask for help to get us through her reader’s block.
A colleague at work who had worked in publishing introduced me to Duckbill. She specifically mentioned the title Talking of Muskaan and went on to tell me what it was about. I was hooked, but decided to read it first because of the themes it addressed—bullying, peer pressure, homosexuality and suicide. While parenting wisdom told me that she may be a bit young for it, my instinct told me otherwise. As usual, it was right.
TALKING OF MUSKAAN BY HIMANJALI SANKAR. (PHOTO: GOODREADS)
Muskaan gently eased our family into becoming properly young adult in our day-to-day conversations. Not that much was off the table until then, but now, everything was kosher because such important themes had been articulated into a book written for her age group. My younger son, Yuv, who seemed to have some knowledge (hearsay, obviously) on some of these topics was part of these chats too, and I believe this has impacted my children’s book choices. The genres on their bookshelves (wooden and on the cloud) can be broadly classified into queer lit, detective stories, graphic non-fiction, science and music-related, history, biographies and comics. Harry Potter is a perpetual go-to, and never loses its place by their bedside.
We’ve read many other Young Adult fiction and non-fiction titles including Dear Mrs. Naiduby Young Zubaan,  Invisible People by Duckbill, Mostly Madly Mayil by Tulika, and Turning the Pot, Tilling the Land by Navayana. These books cut across themes including sexual harassment, privilege, caste distinction, and legal issues and rights, and frame discussions for teens in a non-didactic manner. I often wish that I had had access to such titles growing up. I would’ve loved to read books that spoke to the confusion in my mind from the half-baked conversations I had as a teen rather than moving straight up into the Pandora’s box that was adult fiction, or to the then mostly incomprehensible world of adult non-fiction. The young adult genre gently bridges the leap from children’s to adult’s books by introducing themes that might have been found under non-fiction earlier, but in a sensitive and accessible manner. In addition to making for good reading and more informed teens, I believe that they can influence important future decisions related to education and possibly work choices too.
Aditi is now compiling a young reader’s list for the public reference library at my workplace, the Indian Institute for Human Settlements (IIHS) in Bengaluru. First on the list were a host of Duckbill titles, but many of the suggestions she has continued to make are based on her own interests which keep varying based on reading circle discussions with friends, internet wisdom, and book reviews she’s recently read. The internet has been a game changer in how we find new authors and publishers, especially international ones such as Haymarket Books and Verso Books. The randomness of retweeting ensures that tweets reach a larger circle of non-followers too. So not only do we find out about new books, but they also come with recommendations of a friend’s friend’s cousin’s relative (who may be a publisher, reviewer or anything else book-related). And of course, the best part about e-books is that there is no import duty and shipping cost, and they go on sale for a dollar at least once a year! So our kindle collection has continued to grow, although we still prefer holding a ‘real’ book for the most part.
ILLUSTRATION BY ALIA SINHA
On a recent holiday to the US, which included visits to many tourist traps, I was anxious about the possible damage to my wallet at Universal Studios. The 12 dollars spent on Hogwarts’s lapel pins wasn’t a patch on what we collectively spent at bookstores buying graphic non-fiction, Japanese manga, feminist literature for young adults, and biographies of certain musicians. We went to bookstores and discount book shops in every city that we visited, and the public libraries too. The children were wowed by the collections that were housed and the friendly and accessible manner of the librarians and staff. What amazed them the most, however, was that the libraries were spaces of public engagement, where the ‘quiet reading section’ was the only quiet part in the entire large space. There were ongoing exhibitions, planned activities, and throngs of people—many tourists, such as ourselves — who were just walking around, browsing freely and chatting animatedly.
As thrilled as I was with their reactions, I was equally troubled by something. They had never visited any public libraries in India. Although Bengaluru has a few, we had never been inside any other than the library at my workplace. We do go to children’s specific bookstores such as Lightroom for the occasional activity, and a host of others bookstores in Bengaluru such as Blossom Book House, Bookworm, Select Bookstore and Goobe Book Republic which serve as browsing spaces, libraries and more. I suppose having access to a variety of books across genres one floor above where I sit reduces my need to engage with a public library. And for those who don’t have access to a library at their workplace or near their homes, buying books is easier than ever these days, and not that expensive either.
(PHOTO: LBB.IN)
If there is to be a cultural shift in how public libraries are viewed, it requires a shift in mindsets. They need to be seen as important spaces for dialogue and discussion, and equally for activities and classes—for everyone. In order for them to thrive, more people, and a diverse group of people need to use them. Since the access of children and teens is determined by adults, schools could come together to facilitate interactions at public libraries. Rather than ad hoc projects that are part of all curriculums, maybe we should think of unleashing our teens on these spaces so they can think up and design new ways of using them.
I haven’t visited my school library or Senthil Lending Library in nearly 25 years, but writing this piece has left me feeling curious about their current states. Maybe they haven’t changed much at all. Or maybe, just maybe, they have become vibrant spaces with teens hanging around, a wide variety of books, activities and classes, and engaged librarians. As Ron wisely said to Harry about Hermione in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, ‘When in doubt, go to the library.’
It’s my turn to go now.

September 9, 2018

serena, you're not the only mom in the world who's had to get back to work after time off!

didn't watch serena's match last night, but have read various perspectives and watched replays. my instinct is that she behaved poorly, as she's done in the past while not playing her best. it irks me that she brought up the fact that she's a mom into the conversation with the umpire. she's not the only mom to go back to work after time off--everyone else too has to fight to get back to where they were.

it's unfortunate that all incidents in the past (including the recent french open outfit issue) are being pulled into this thread of the world against serena. the defence should stick to the facts of this match.

and enough already about mc enroe. he was an asshole. women's standards DON'T have to be that. if she's fighting for women as she says she is, then don't fight like a man. we'll all be the better for it.

September 6, 2018

rainbows

rainbows in the sky
so many after so long
bright. bold. beautiful.

November 8, 2017

circular logic

don't stop growing up
because it means that you are
somewhere, still a child

October 24, 2017