When in doubt, ...

Self-doubt is one of the most natural feelings in the world. It is the ability to constantly question one's life, one's decisions. However, it isn't easy to acknowledge because doing so would mean also having to acknowledge that one is going through a difficult situation or moment due to having taken a particular decision. These moments of difficulty, sometimes, are nagging. Voices in the head berate constantly about possibilities – the what was', the what could've been's – so much so that a new line of questioning begins.

Sometimes, the decision is reversible; often, it's not. In the case of the former, one goes back to Plan A, or P, as the case may be. A fresh start with new decisions ensues, and the cycle continues until the next moment of difficulty when the pondering and re-evaluating starts all over. In the case of the latter – where the decision is irreversible – it's not as simple. To be fair to the decision, one thinks of both the positives and negatives. What was right? Was the wrong so wrong that it resulted in such a finality? And so on and so forth until the thoughts are all muddled.

And then, something happens.

Something as complex as watching someone else go through the same thing, especially when one's advice is much sought after for they are 'the experienced', or something as simple as reading some text or an email, which reaffirms the decision without an iota of doubt! It's as if one just got a fresh pair of prescription glasses – the clarity is that glaring.

And that results in acknowledging another feeling, a feeling of relief, of contentment. These moments of contentment are exhilarating. Liberating, even. Voices in the head become thoughts about the future – the what could bes', the what I want it to bes'! Self-belief – partly self, partly experiences, and mostly the support and encouragement of near and dear – kicks the hell out of self-doubt momentarily. But only momentarily, before the cycle begins all over.

But can a moment not last a lifetime?

The journey of a lifetime

Does the title make it sound like I'm Sindbad the Sailor, who has had adventures in many a magical place with many a weird monster? Well,given what I've worked on in the past, I can relate to the monsters – finance and analytics! No, no one forced me to study and work in those fields but because I was in another country and needed a visa, it became the most natural thing to get into but my heart was never in it. Writing is what I had always enjoyed.

So when I took a break from work, I started my blog, which was the easy part; the harder part was the actual writing! While I had loads of things I wanted to write about, I would perpetually have writer's block and not know where to begin. But I persisted. I would write about everyday situations that a displaced Indian faced, about my daughter's antics, and about life in general. Soon enough, I got my mojo back! (And it always helps to have the support and 'likes' of friends and family!). A few years as Editor with an organisation in India where I edited different genre – legal, medical, business writing, technical writing, development-related writing and more – gave me the start to finally do what I loved.

If I had to choose a category of writing that I love, it would be fiction based on personal experiences and Op-eds. After all, who doesn't like to express their opinion on this, that and the other! 'Randomness' is what I've titled my blog as it captures best what I write about. It's been nine years since I started this journey and I've never felt happier opening my laptop every morning. The monsters have disappeared and so has the writer's block – mostly. Work doesn't feel like work, and I can't ask for more.

If my story resonates with you and you feel like you're stuck in a rut, it's not too late to make a switch. Take a chance, try something new and discover what you love. I can't guarantee monsters or magical lands but the stories from the journey will be well worth a read.

Written as a promo for an IIHS course titled 'Writing for Digital Media'

Published on Huffpost India - Amazon's Aur Dikhao Ad: All Show, No Tell

First published here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.in/rekha-raghunathan/amazons-aur-dikhao-ad-all_b_7162384.html

'The' moment

It seemed to her like it was only yesterday when she was chasing after them to keep their routine irrespective of what day of the week it was. A change in bed time or meal times had repercussions for the next day. How would they handle that? How would she handle that?

Fast forward to today and there they were...all plonked on the bed in front of the TV at almost midnight watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban eating corn puffs and chips! When did they change so much? When did she change so much?

Many moments came to mind but nothing struck her more than that one moment - when he came into their lives and they became family. Related or not, family they had become and nothing could change that. Each one counting on the other for different things but all, knowing and secure, that they were together. That moment was the change. That was when she (and they) had let go.

Oh was this the beginning of the wonder(ful) years?

The sweet coin-candy swap

Was it so long ago that we used to beg our mums for a little extra change so we could come back from the store with some candy? Kids these days don't need to worry about that, for the change is itself candy!

During the initial days of this phenomenon, people only joked about it but often humoured the 'candy givers'. Alas! Yet another situation where acceptance has led to forced adaptation. To counter this, many a smart person has tried it in reverse, presenting a Rs 100 note along with an eclair or two to make up the balance. Alas again! Apparently, only one set of people have adapted.

Some basic questions must be asked. How and why did this practice begin? Did the Mint not dole out enough coins, or did the Indian Willy Wonkas get a few extra trucks of sugar? Does anyone know someone at either end of the spectrum who can answer these questions? They could redefine the term 'sweet deal', once and for all.

Charity begins at ...

Of late, she had been noticing that she turned heads while at the billing counters of most stores. Not just the shoppers in queue but also the cashiers gave her a second look. At first, she was sure it was because she was 'Fashion Faux Pas Queen' - either what she wore or what she was buying - but that didn't make sense while buying groceries did it? Choosing one brand over another surely didn't deserve an uncomfortable look from someone else.

So what was it?

She found out recently when she was at a clothes store. Could've been Max or Lifestyle...same difference, really. After billing her stuff, the cashier asked, "Mam, would you like to donate Rs x to charity"? "No!", she said. He was caught off guard but rather than ask outright why she didn't want to, he stared at her in a puzzled manner but then caught himself and went back to closing out the bill.

More than mildly offended, she asked him if he had any idea which charity it was, what was the cause they worked for, how much money went from the store to them, and a few others questions along those lines. His answer? A resounding "no". "So why should I contribute to this charity?", she asked to which he meekly replied that it wasn't mandatory.

"You think!", she wanted to say to him but realised that her anger would be misdirected. It wasn't his idea that she donate; he was simply parroting what he'd been told by his manager, who in turn must've received his instruction from some place higher up in the food chain.

Many have likely been in a similar situation -- one where the organisation is simply "charity". One where the person is so far removed, but still doesn't question why they're giving. It almost becomes a force of habit, similar to accepting a piece of candy instead of a rupee coin. Or worse, a way to assuage one's guilt. Or worst, an unshakable belief and trust that one is indeed doing something "good". Nothing more.

She hadn't always thought of it this way. It was only since she had watched 'First as Tragedy, Then as Farce', and thought about it in greater depth. Since then, her answer to the charitable donation question, especially at a store, was always a "No"!, irrespective of who looked at her or thought of her poorly.

Watch the film if you're in any way curious -- it's well worth the ten minutes. Else, say no when it's your turn and ask similar questions. Both scenarios could be equally interesting.

That's what it was!

"Can the number of posts in a year indicate how one's year has gone?", she wondered.

Are many posts an indication that lots of things are happening, so lots to write about or do fewer posts indicate the same because of not enough time to write at all? Anyway, everyone has these phases. Busy ones, boring ones and the opposites too. So what makes someone choose one topic to write about but not another? How does the mind differentiate and give precedence?

Is it based on chronology, meaning when something happened or when something was observed? Or is it based on impact, meaning how much something touched the person or how important it was? Or here's a third, is it based on a random fleeting thought? The kind that just flits about momentarily but leaves you feeling something. Something that wasn't enough to hold on to then but something all the same that makes the writer go "Aha, that's it"!?

Yeah, that was exactly it.

Lingaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

It's interesting that yet another movie in the recent past (Katthi being the other) has focused on a topic that is a staple in recent news - water. Although I haven't watched the latter yet, I'm guessing that it was just as bad as Lingaa. Oops, did I just give away the gist of this post?!

(Those who haven't watched it yet, don't worry, no spoilers here.)

The Good
Amidst the drama, masala and political intent that one expects (and loves) in a Rajni film, the plot revolves around many aspects that go into the building of dams - displacement of villagers due to flooding that will be caused by the structure, resettlement in the form of allocating other land, compensation for the land lost, and the angst and confusion among the to-be-displaced partly due to mistrust and party due to having no knowledge of the mechanics of how it all works. The film highlighted these important points such that lay people, who are often clueless about the other side of 'development', can understand.

The Bad

• The comedy was a joke. (Get it?!)
• The soundtrack - really, the movie might have been more tolerable without any background score or duets at all. (Yes, the one time where being delayed to the movies would've been a good thing. Even the SPB/Rajni opening song sequence was pathetic.)
• Sets, costume & makeup - The amount of money spent on this could possibly have been used to fund the construction of a small-sized dam! (This statement is purely based on my imagination and has not been influenced by any knowledge of the film's budget or of the actual costs of dam construction.)
• Dance sequences - the one area where thalaiva has always struggled, and continues to do so. The editing has tried to minimise close up shots but the discomfort is more than evident even from a distance. (Using foreign dancers and glaring outfits can only cover up so much.) 
• The female lead(s) - Two for the price of one. (Two times the pain!)
• Fight sequences - Would've been better left to the viewer's imagination. (Felt a bit like watching Po go through the Matrix motions!)
• The villain - WHO?
• The one-liner - was a one-worder and certainly not worth repeating. (Naa oru darava kooda sollirka koodadhu!)

The Ugly
The last 11 minutes of the film.

I said no spoilers, and I've kept my word. Watch it at your own risk or under the influence - of friends, what else!

nine

i don't know where to begin this story
or is it a poem?
a poem doesn't have to rhyme, does it?
and verses don't need punctuations, or meter, or capitalisation, do they?

maybe you won't agree with that, i can see you cringing as you read this.
and maybe you won't agree with many other things,
maybe you won't see life like i do.

i'd like to tell you, show you, and shield you
but i won't.
it's your journey and i'm just your friend
and i hope to stay that way
especially when times are rough and hopefully when it's fun.

some days can make you feel foolish
others can make you lose hope,
but wait for them to pass.

be gentle, kind and thoughtful,
be warm and loving.
be just the person you are.

that's all i want to say.

The puzzle of the unnecessary middle

Compromise, meeting midway, give and take, adjustment: all words associated with, among many other things, relationships. As much as it seems paramount, maybe because of all the psychobabble around it, this idea of giving in to the point that you don't lose yourself, is it really necessary?

Picture it, in a tangible sense.

A line with a definitive start and end will have a middle, but just close your eyes and imagine something. Likely, it's difficult to picture the start and end because the thought is an abstraction. You define the start and end in some random manner, without being able to pinpoint accurately. So how do you find the middle?

Now, think about this in the context of relationships.

When and why did a relationship start? Can you actually put a date to it, even though there might be a legal date? More importantly, why did it start? Was it the spontaneity? Was it the 'off-the-beaten-path' approach to life? Was it just one thing or many? Can they be quantified or brought within a boundary in their entirety? If they can't, then how can a midpoint be calculated, especially when it's two sets of 'whys' that need to be understood and explained?

So then, is there a need for a middle?

Can there not be just a whole? One that does away with the arrogance of a left or a right, that demands that there be a middle. A nebulous composition of thoughts, ideas, opinions and everything else.

A whole that can possibly explain much more than a middle can.