June 23, 2015

When in doubt, ...

Self-doubt is one of the most natural feelings in the world. It is the ability to constantly question one's life, one's decisions. However, it isn't easy to acknowledge because doing so would mean also having to acknowledge that one is going through a difficult situation or moment due to having taken a particular decision. These moments of difficulty, sometimes, are nagging. Voices in the head berate constantly about possibilities – the what was', the what could've been's – so much so that a new line of questioning begins.

Sometimes, the decision is reversible; often, it's not. In the case of the former, one goes back to Plan A, or P, as the case may be. A fresh start with new decisions ensues, and the cycle continues until the next moment of difficulty when the pondering and re-evaluating starts all over. In the case of the latter – where the decision is irreversible – it's not as simple. To be fair to the decision, one thinks of both the positives and negatives. What was right? Was the wrong so wrong that it resulted in such a finality? And so on and so forth until the thoughts are all muddled.

And then, something happens.

Something as complex as watching someone else go through the same thing, especially when one's advice is much sought after for they are 'the experienced', or something as simple as reading some text or an email, which reaffirms the decision without an iota of doubt! It's as if one just got a fresh pair of prescription glasses – the clarity is that glaring.

And that results in acknowledging another feeling, a feeling of relief, of contentment. These moments of contentment are exhilarating. Liberating, even. Voices in the head become thoughts about the future – the what could bes', the what I want it to bes'! Self-belief – partly self, partly experiences, and mostly the support and encouragement of near and dear – kicks the hell out of self-doubt momentarily. But only momentarily, before the cycle begins all over.

But can a moment not last a lifetime?

1 comment:

LGV said...

Moments do last a lifetime...esp if they affirms one's decision, that too from something as simple as an email.