phantom menace

a thin, white, minty stick the size of my ring finger
with a bright red tip, the memory of it still lingers

i've smoked it many a time
with friends
i've tossed and caught it well
like the movie star
i've held it between my teeth
to look cool
i've blown many rings
imaginary

phantom sweet cigarettes, are they to blame
for the fascination or is that an excuse, lame

what you see when you light up is probably just my frown
but it's because my heart beats a lil' faster knowing that yours is slowing down

benevolent babas

left and right i turn,
bearded men with palms raised
compete to bless and sell

sombre valentine's day haiku

it's valentine's day
cards, balloons and chocolates
only they remain

boxed-up feelings

i wish there were boxes inside of me

and that each of them was labelled

with all the feelings that i'm feeling right now 

clearly demarcated

fear, anger, sadness

confusion, love and envy

each one sealed in its own box 

without them getting all muddly

because, in and out of their boxes,

they very often seem to jump 

causing mayhem in my mind 

because they treat it like a garbage dump

was it anger that caused me to act in a particular way

or was it sadness, instead, that had plagued me through the day

how can i forget fear and confusion

when both emotions have left me in a sticky situation

out pop joy and love
suddenly giving me some respite

and in go the others

thankfully without much of a fight

many a time i notice

that all of them sit tight

inside their boxes, doing nothing

especially late at night

and it's at these times when i am blank
that i write about how i feel
with objectivity, i think
that helps me, with life, deal

i wonder what would happen

if i switched around the labels

would they act their new part

and spin me some new fables

or would they continue to jump

in and out with glee

and leave the acting of the part

solely to me

raindrops on my face

the breeze felt warmer,

the road seemed longer,

and the trees didn't sway as much.

there was a stillness.

she felt more deliberate too,

like she had to think before taking a step.

the fluidity was gone,

and so was the lightness.

it was a usual evening.

she was off on her walk

just the predictable routine,

a few rounds around where she lived.

but something felt different, something felt off.

was it the tunes?

but she had heard them before.

was it the place?

but she'd been there so long.

was it her thoughts?

her head was so full!

was it her heart?

it felt so heavy.

whatever it was, it was too much.

suddenly, something changed.

it got cooler and the leaves began to rustle.

the breeze blew her hair every which way

and she felt herself moving faster.

faster and faster!

she felt a few drops land on her face,

and then, the tears which had been brimming for awhile, flowed.

any town

moulded plastic equipment, child-safe of course
waveboards, skateboards and roller blades in a rush
beyblades spinning, basketballs bouncing
trash talk with foreign accents at every corner
gated community with ID cards to enter and exit
spic and span walkway regularly mopped
swimming pool, fancy gym and manicured green spaces
california palms neatly lined

bengaluru, not bangalore

the story of ori

a dog! should we adopt one?
the kids had been asking
we had thought about it too
but it seemed a little daunting

would it be a lot of work?
we'll clean her poop
they said with a smirk
and then we went into a loop

going back and forth a bit
with one of us feeling unsure
her reasons were many, all legit
but he, he was sure

sometime around then, i chanced upon a post
of a goofy looking cutie, with eyes the colour of toast
a black and white body and one floppy ear
she looked so perfect, and out went my fear

it felt just right, was she the one?

to show to the family, i wanted to run
i hoped that they would feel exactly the same

and be even more excited when i told them her name!

what's she called, they asked with glee

oreo i said even more excitedly!

i said to the kids that they could change it up

no it's cute, no need, it suits the little pup!

so we set up a time to go and meet her

june 12 post lunch is when we greeted her

i was nervous, but they didn't seem to be

felt like they had decided, you see

we met her at the park at her foster home

wagging her tail and bounding along

she was so friendly and she was so free

we knew that our lives had changed immediately

she walked with us and got into the car

oh she enjoyed her ride even though it wasn't far

excited and thrilled, were we all that day

our love had multiplied in so many ways

it's been six months since she came home to us

yes there have been times when i have cussed

when she chewed up spectacles, wallets and toys

all the while looking extremely coy!

she knows she can get away with this and that

she just rolls over for a belly rub and pat

oreo aary kumar is her full name

ori, my third munchkin, she became

permanence

one week since i fell,
the scrapes and bruises have healed.
scars, old and new, stay.

wounds

oh come on
it's not so bad
it happens all the time
and it will happen again
it's just a small scrape
and a little bit of blood
it's not so bad
i say

his eyes well up
even more than when he came home
his lips quiver
and his voice shakes
it's small but it hurts so badly
and it's bleeding so much
you don't know how I feel ma
he says

i've fallen a lot, and i know how it feels
so bear with it just a bit
a little medicine, it won't sting
really, it won't
i've used it a lot
you're so brave, come on
i say

aaaahhh it hurts
you lied ma, it stings
you don't know how much it hurts
no I'm not brave
don't touch it
just leave me alone
he says

and i do, i walk away

lost in my thoughts, i wander the aisles
lost in my thoughts, i check off my list
lost in my thoughts, i pay the bill
lost in my thoughts, i step out of the store

and thud!

too lost i was, i paid no heed
to what was on the floor
bags, purse and more scattered around me
a sharp pain, one that i had forgotten
and a smear of blood that wouldn't stop
and a heavy feeling, one that i can't explain
is what I took back home

the stinging didn't go away
neither did the bleeding
and the worst part was
that the tears didn't stop
i told myself all that I told him
and i did to myself all that i did to him
but it wasn't enough
it wouldn't go away

i thought of something then
about memories and remembrance
how fleeting they can be
and about hurt and pain
how fresh they can be

maybe what we need
is hugs and commiserations
not, despite what's all around,
bravery, or stories of it

he saw my wound, maybe he felt my pain
he called it gross and smiled
it was his turn to put on the meds
and it was mine to cry
he hugged me and I cried some more
but it wasn't in pain this time

resolutions

come december every year we tend to take stock
of the things we set out to do when it was 00:00 on the clock

of the new things that we hoped to try 

and some old things we wanted to modify 

somehow everything seems possible at the start

even those half marathons, not for the faint of heart 

but as the months go by the optimism is faded

leaving us only more and more jaded

12 months go by with another 12 to follow

should we make a new list today or wait until tomorrow 

why does this happen at the start of every year 

january arrives and fills us with fear

because december is just a few months away 

and the cycle will repeat until the end of day